“When the past have passed from you at last, let go. Then climb down and begin the rest of your life. With great joy”…. Eat, Pray, Love
I want to share my journey with you guys in hope to inspire someone out there not be afraid to do the things that scares them. Traveling alone to a foreign country is something that scares the crap out of me, I’ve always had my “security blanket” aka my ex-husband or friends with me when I travelled.
2018 has been my year of total transformation; my entire life changed in a matter of 12months. I got divorced, bought a house, turned 30, shoveled my first snow, serviced my own car, and drove myself out of state for the first time. It’s been a long year and I couldn’t think of a better time to take my first solo trip. As 2019 approaches, I feel the need to conquer this fear of mine before heading into the new year. It’s something that I always wanted to do.
It’s a great time to reflect on what I want in this new chapter of my life and remember who I was before I became a girlfriend, a mother, and an ex-wife. I want to head into 2019 with a clear mind and be ready for all the great things it has in store for me.
When you meet someone and spend so much of your young adult life with them, you become dependent on them without even realizing it. I met my ex when I was 20yrs old (10yrs ago). I got comfortable, became complacent, and forgot how to stand on my own two feet. I’m not even sure when it happened.
See, the funny thing is, I was on my own by age 17. I lived alone, paid my own bills and did everything for myself and by myself. Somewhere down the Iine, I met a guy and forgot how to do things for myself. I got comfortable. Don’t get me wrong, I work, but I forgot basic life skills. I had no idea when my insurance was due or when my car needed an oil change. After my divorce, I actually drove my car for 4 months without realizing it needed an oil change, that’s how bad I’d gotten. I never did anything by myself or for myself anymore. Whenever something happened my first instinct was to pick up the phone and call my ex, I had forgotten how to solve problems on my own.
My divorce was a wakeup call; it was as if I was sleeping and someone poured a bucket of cold water on me without warning. It woke me up, and for that I’m grateful. I wasn’t at first, it took some time. In life you have two choices: you can let your problems either defeat you or develop you. I chose to let my problems develop me, and I’m embracing the changes and growth.
I’ve been asked why Bali, why didn’t I pick somewhere close by or in the States. The answer is that, I wanted to travel outside of my comfort zone. Of course, I did my research and Bali (Ubud) is one of the safest cities for a female to travel alone which was a plus. I’ve read on numerous blogs that it is a great place for healing the mind, body, and soul, and I can definitely use some healing. Also, since watching Eat, Pray, Love it’s been on my bucket list.
I was at work a few days before my 30th birthday and I decided to just purchase the ticket, and I bought it, opting out of the insurance. I know myself too well, if I were to purchase insurance, I would’ve gotten scared and cancel the ticket.
Even without insurance, I’ve tried cancelling my ticket many times, but it’s non-refundable so I’m forced to go. I made up lots of reasons in my head why I don’t need to go, like that I can’t leave Ethan (my 3yr son) for 2 weeks and so on but the truth is, I’m terrified. Just the thought of a 48 hour travel time by myself is scary, but I made a vow to myself after my divorce to never play it safe, if its scares me I’m doing it. I want to do all the things that scare me. I read this quote on Pinterest is a great reminder.
“It’s okay to be scared. It just means you are about to do something brave”
I’m ready to embark on this journey. I’m excited and nervous at the same time. More excited than nervous; I’m ready to spend time with myself, to trust my own instincts, depend on myself, solve my own problems, and guide myself, of course with the help of God. I hope you do the same, and make a vow to do one thing that scares you each day. It can be as small as starting a conversation with stranger; let’s practice living fearlessly, that’s my goal for 2019.
Be sure to follow me on Instagram, let take this journey together.
Talk to you on the other side.